Growing up, Letting down...
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Ever noticed how you can actually feel yourself growing up psychologically? I mean, It's one thing to grow up literally, but its a whole another experience when you feel yourself becoming more mature, and leaving your old ways to adapt to new ones. I'm still confused, and scared...
These things do not come naturally for me. I really need a manual to help me go through this phase. I've done it once or twice before, but that's when I used a less tangible form of communication to confide myself. It wasn't face to face, and it certainly wasn't as scary as doing it "live". My head is in a maelstrom of emotions, ranging from sad to fear to apprehension. So you see what state I'm in now. It's nowhere near "comfortable".
Ugly Betty and Glee has been my source of release for all my pent up bitchiness and emotions. I'm starting to feel the urge to get up, get out, and just do what I have always wanted to do, without others judging me. WHICH brings me to the next point of my post.
Ever noticed how society at large always have this perceived stigma towards individuals who try to express themselves in the arts and performing? I mean, if we look at the "superstars" born out of popularity and bias here in Singapore, It would really show us how much of an open society we are. Then, we look at schools and such. People like me, representing the aspiring performers and stage divas of the world in my post here, are labeled as being different (in a bad way, mind you). We are often termed as homos or softies, just because we are inclined towards performing on stage, and joining less masculine extra curricular activities. What is it that makes us different from the rest of the world? We eat, breathe and see the same things as other people. Our choices are what determine who we are. We choose to be performers. We didn't criticize you for choosing to play rugby, or sitting down in front of the computer programming stuff. We didn't judge you for your choices, so why should we go through the hell you put us through for choosing to be ourselves?
You might have guessed/been trying to guess why I'm being this way right now. I have been thinking of the reason why I quit Drama back in JC. Why was that? Because I was one of two guys in drama. Yes, it was that sad. I don't get the reason why drama is seen as feminine, or for people like me. I really do not see what's wrong with trying to express yourself on stage. I was very shallow back then, quitting Drama out of fear of being judged. It's so wrong... I resent and regret my decision.
Oh well, life has to go on and the word of one individual will not be strong enough to change the prevalent social stigma that plagues our lives.
Truly,
Hunni.
PS. Please comment if you have to. I'd like to hear what you guys have to say about this.
